Swine flu. Run for my life!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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