Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I still have a little drunk in my system
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
