Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
