If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
