I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
