the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
