I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
