wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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