I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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