i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
