omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
