The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
