Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
