That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
