I faked an abortion last night.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
