does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I puked a lego.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Randomize
