She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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