none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
