Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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