I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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