i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
