I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize