I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
