At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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