well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
