Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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