well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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