Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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