HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
