He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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