I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
