Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
