True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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