is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
