i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This house was built for laser tag.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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