the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
