I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have aggressive nipples.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
