Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
