i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Come see our sink grown plant.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
