hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.