Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday