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I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just google imaged poop.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Randomize
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