thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
