i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
