First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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