Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
