Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
