someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
