$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
