Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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