is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
