i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
