closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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