Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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