My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
