I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Houston, we have a blender
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
