I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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