apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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