3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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