it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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