I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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