just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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