AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
