Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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