The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
