Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
