dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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