i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
