sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
